120 Days of Sodom

120 Minutes of Sodom
by C.F. Molina

time is it?

sick again
this fucking monkey on my back
I got an abcess the last time
fuck it, so tired

been nodding before
it’s a warm feeling
heating up the spoon now
let’s up the dose a bit
stamp bag with a picture of Mickey Mouse on it
viscous fluid
spoon

I forget how everything started, but I know how this ends
I know a guy who lost an arm
I mean, he didn’t lose the arm, but he passed out on it
They put 60 staples in his arm and now it just kind of hangs there
All the muscle’s gone
He had to talk the doctor out of removing it
stupid, but he can pretend that he didn’t lose his arm
you pretend that you’re okay
then you go get more boy

belt around arm;
You don’t actually need a belt but I’m trying to help you imagine
Anyway, I’m tightening it and flexing, it helps with finding the veins
don’t actually remember pushing the plunger

what it feels like when you OD:
warm
warmer
WARMEST
Pins and needles
you want to cry out for help but you can’t
you feel it rise in your throat
fuzzy
headrush
ears ring
nothing.

don’t remember falling asleep but I’m by myself
needle in arm
three hours
three days
la misma vaina
feel like I’m drowning right now

arms, legs, face
all burning
nose broken, the sink is red now
I want to get up, see my face
inspect the damage
but, legs don’t work

all I can do is moan and groan for someone to help me
But no noise comes out
arms move
needle still there
godmyfuckingheadiskillingme
hit not finished
plunger goes down and then I feel mys—

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